In the world of today were social media, our environment and people’s behavioural issues and emotions plays a key role in our thoughts, i had often wandered Why emotional intelligence could relate to our every day living skills? Justin Bariso, author of “EQ Applied. envisaged that The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence,” defines emotional intelligence as a process of learning to understand and manage emotions in order to make decisions that are more in harmony with your true beliefs and values.

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far․– Daniel Goleman”. As in nature, notwithstanding that light portends and conveys life, some will wilt in the light, while others will flourish in its radiance. Whether we wither or shine depends on how we relate to the forces around us. Shine, we must! It is impossible to become my best “me” without you! We all need each other as we are interconnected; indeed we are a part of each other, separated only by man-made boundaries. I am you and you are me! A recognition that we are all in this together awakens us to a whole new reality! You need me the same way I need you so together we can evolve into our best selves possible and in the process materialize the vision of God for mankind.

The moment you become through your actions, thoughts and word, the blessings instantly begin to manifest in the physical! No one is perfect but God sure knows when someone is making a good faith attempt towards walking the straight and narrow and you will get rewarded in kind. It sounds very harsh but you have no business walking with people that belittle you! If your friends sees you as the ‘Competion’, then you are in trouble!

‘Emotional intelligence is a very important skill set, not just to be happier but also to succeed professionally'(Daniel Lubetzky). People with emotional intelligence play a great role to the arts, communication and interpersonal relationships. If you’re having problems with your relationships through anger, bitterness, all sorts of behavioural problems, i guess you should sharpen your skills on emotional intelligence.

During my quiet moments, i have gained insights on few emotional intelligence skills . Coming from a African descendant, i noticed that emotions are often neglected and portrayed as “We should get on with it and pretend that it is nothing”. Think carefully, and wisely about it, as this will bring a light to your every day lifestyles. As Jobsonah Momoh who is a strong advocate for women empowerment and political analyst, pointed out that ” We were raised in a Culture of interference, where everybody is into your business. You need to work on yourself to rid yourself off that mindset”. Here are fourteen tips of emotional intelligence train to follow:

1: Self Awareness and feelings.

I certainly begin to realise the importance of reflection on a daily basis with work and personal lifestyle in simply phrases like what, How, When, Why, How and paying closer attention to my strength and weaknesses. Our thoughts process accumilate so much on a daily basis. However, as a Christian, i believe that the presence of the holy spirit in your life, ensures your predetermined freedom from all bondage!

Be proud of your uniqueness and begin basking in your magnificence! Embrace your gifts, talents and divinity and strive to evolve daily in the direction of your best version possible! Undue imitation of others is an act of ingratitude and defiance to your Creator! ~The Soul Compass Collections~.. Notice those friends who only appear to say, “I’m so sorry for . . .”but, rarely appear to say, “congratulations,” or “good job” or simply partake in your zone of joy or happiness! They are no friends! They are merely spectators who often wish to extend their condolences. Be smart about who you label as friends. I’ve been divesting myself of those so called friends who merely clog up my space and territories . On a serious note, run away from your so-called friends. . .and family who would love you through every season of your life EXCEPT for when they see you breaking new grounds and achieving palpable success. There is a sad reality that most people often embrace; namely, they love and thrive in mediocrity and would only love you when they aren’t threatened and believe you all are on the same page.

If you are not empowered to prosper, you will be embattled and burdened with the struggles of life! Don’t worry too much in life, always find solutions to your problems. “There’s something innately bolstering about a person who sees his opportunities as endless, who doesn’t waste time or energy questioning whether they will ever dry up” (Michelle Obama). Here is a tip from Bob Marley lyrics on this link.

Identifying toxic traits and dealing with them accordingly is also a part of emotional intelligence. A toxic trait is a trait that can be harmful to you or harmful to others. You could have the trait of cutting off people too quickly after they have done wrong to you, but one should have patience. One should have the awareness that not everyone is perfect, and to avoid such a trait, one should address the wrong doing and establish healthy boundaries within the relationship or friendship. This is where patience comes in, being patient for that person to recognise their wrong doing and waiting for them to change. However do not let patience be your detriment. Understand that there are some people in this world that will take you for granted and continue to do you wrong despite you addressing the issue previously. Having this type of self-awareness is beneficial because it will help you develop as a person and will also flourish your day to day interactions. It will distance your need to fulfil your own ego, as most toxic traits are grown through trying to satisfy your ego.

2: You take an interval

Have you ever thought about thinking or acting before you speak? Try practicing your feelings on every day lifestyle. This will save you from embarrassing moment. Sometimes its best not to say nothing at all, and be quiet in certain situations. For example, arguing with your friend when there is no evidence to back up your argument on a particular issue.

3: Control of Reaction

There are no much control of how you are feeling at a particular time, nonetheless, there is a control of how you react to situations facing around you at a given time. The way you control emotional intelligence is by the response to a particular episodes in your life. It’s best to leave in peace, harmony, or fear. For example i was faced with a very difficult situation during my marriage with my in-laws. They ganged up on me, came up to my mum telling all sorts of lies against me. Guess what? Later on at the end it was confessed that the lady who they told to make those accusations reported to me and apologised for her wrong doings. People pretend well, and they will do all it takes to sarbotage your marriage or your relationships, especially when they know that you are dearly loved by your husband. Please pay attention to difficult in-laws, they will make your life as hell as possible. Pray for dishernment! I controlled my reaction in so many ways and prayed fervently for God to fight my battles. The Bible Says.”Whoever dig a Pit shall fall into it And who rolls a Stone will have it roll back on him”(Prov:26v27).

For some, the stage for that next chapter in your life is way greater and intimidating for them to come aboard with you. You simply don’t have to hold them by their horns and drag them along with you if they do not want to. Its your chosen and unique path; your unique chapter. Keep moving!
Most of us have had hard times in our lives. We’ve all received negative news at one point in our life. What happens now is how we react to the negative news. Some of us let it to drown us down. Others live their entire lives with that negative news. Others turn the negative event into a life-changing one. That’s exactly what i did with myself in turning my situation around from negativity to positivity. What is the worst that can ever happen? Life is full of trying moments. It’s normal to have obstacles, but you will come out positive if only you go towards those obstacles and not run away from them. Always try to turn the obstacles to your own advantage. Remember your reaction towards a situation matters in your life!

4: Positive and negative criticism

If God was to judge you on your past, you would have no present; if he was to judge you on your present, you will have no future. Positive criticism is great, knowing that you can learn from your mistakes and turn it around to something good in your life. Nevertheless, negative criticism can steam up emotional reaction and cause all sorts of emotional thoughts of behaviour. Learn to control these emotions and act appropraitely. That is why you must surround yourself with people who believe in who you are, and are convinced about what you can do! When you receive negative feedback, you keep your emotions in check and ask yourself: How can this make me better?

Instead of looking outside of yourself for the next thing you need to change or learn, choose to look within and ask yourself who am I really?

Who am I beneath the noise?

Who am I beneath the thoughts?

Who am I beneath the fear, the doubt, the limitations and disbelief? What people think or say about you should never hurt you; they have a right to their thoughts and opinions. What you think or say about yourself does transform into your reality. I have often taken account to negative criticism and i have accted upon with grace and dignity. Do you know these criticism have actually sharpen my spirit to do more? Please keep them coming as i am using those tools to enhance the projectory of my life.

5: Authenticity

When you do what you love; what you are passionate about, what you are enthusiastic about, etc; that energy permeates every aspect of that business and produces massive success for you! The truth is that I continue to see over and over again that each and every one of us needs to rise up even higher, to speak up more boldly, and stand up courageously for ourselves and for others, and when we do, it changes everything. “authenticity” keep you from becoming a stronger version of yourself. Most importantly, you are choosing to dance to your own music; playing your own tune, just the way it should be, after all, it is your life!

Life becomes a lot easier when we finally understand who we are! That journey towards self discovery is excruciatingly painful, humbling and lonely and is neither for the proud nor the faint-hearted! However, uncovering those deeply rooted flaws as well as your strengths is the key to being authentically empowered! Peace, joy and contentment flow from that place of truth.

6: The act of Empathy

The first thing i always do in any difficult situation is to show empathy by listening and not making judgements. It might be a tragedy, failure, or mistreated from someone. Always ask questions if you don’t understand what the person is saying to you.

Empathy doesn’t automatically mean acceding with another person’s point of view. However, it’s about aspiring to know -which allows you to build profound associated relationships.

7: The act of praising others (Compliment).

What do you say to people to compliment their personalities, achievements, boosting a child moral in achieving or doing something great? According to research, it enhances motor skills and elevates performances. Take a moment and think about what you really admire about the person before you say anything. Your compliment will be appreciated if it’s clear you really mean what you say. For example if you see your friends or family are wearing something nice that really suit them. Be sure to tell them ‘Wow, i really like your outfit today, it looks great on you’! How about remarkable achievement like gaining a degree? People study for three years to achieve it and can only get better once a genuine compliment is given. It boast your self confidence and self esteem!

8: Positive Feedback

Most of the time, we are all afraid to ask for guidance and support from people. However, You can also ask for advice from friends and experts, but be careful to only ask those who can support your goals. “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:13 (NIV).

Most of us have no idea how much other people’s emotions, self-esteem and hopes are influenced by what we say. ‘Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up…… That it may benefit those who listen. What you say can can never be taken back, and it’ll be used as evidence for or against you one day. Make the best possible use of words so that they bring blessings on others. ‘words….. Can leave scars for a people will never forget soyou’ve said to t use of words. encouraging? Can it be said that there’s ‘ ….. Nothing crooked or perverse…. In them’. Ask God to ‘set a guard…. Over your mouth….

#Beanencourager
#Useyourwordswisely
#Emotionalintelligence

9: Appology

How many of us say sorry to our friends and families when we are at the wrong end of the stick? Some do, and some don’t! It cost you nothing at all to give a genuine appology to a person. Most often our egos are way too fast for an appology. Say it like you mean it “I am sorry for my appalling behaviour towards you”.

10: The act of Forgiveness

Life is too short to hold unto to grudges in your heart. It’s very unhealthy! Let go of all the pain, troubles you’ve been through. This is where your emotions fights with you and your self esteem kicks off to the drain. So many times friends and family have hurt our feelings, some don’t even appologise for their acts and i find in my heart to forgive them anyway because, i want to live in peace and harmony. Forgiving breaks the karma. It allows you to heal. It brings you into the present where you can manifest your future.

I went through so much emotional torcherment from my in-laws during my relationship with my husband. Even when he passed away 7 years ago i am still having manipulative fabricative words from them all because of jealousy and evil act. These people are very manic and pretend to play the victim here as the whole family are ganging up on me. However, i have forgiven them with all my heart. Although i will never get closer to them again in my entire life time and neither my children. I keep praying for them to understand that life is in stages and to hurt another person’s daughter through emotional pain will bring love in their hearts. When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power. I don’t normally say this but i decided to share this with you all.

11: The act of Commitment

A person who is not committed to the things of his own life and destiny, can never be committed to you. Friends and families have the power to make or mar a person. Too many marriages have been dissolved because of friends. Many businesses have collapsed when friends or famillies stepped in to help. Wrong friends destroy destinies. I will rather stay committed to the things i love and passionate about because i stay disciplined. Jesus is our greatest example of Commitment because from the beginning of his ministry he knew that he had come to die on the cross of Calvary. He was more dedicated to his vision. Committment is the true mark of a friend. There are many organisations who have lasted for so many years because of Commitment. A faithful and committed friend will attract faithful and committed people to his or her life.

12: The act of Motivation

Any friend, who does not believe in you enough to motivate you, will only end up killing your dream! This is why you must surround yourself with people who believe in who you are, and are convinced about what you can do! I had often said i have a sister and a friend who motivated me to push forward in life. I was weak and drained because of life’s pressures. In education, it has always be in me to push through and exhale. I remember during my education in secondary school at Harford. The boldness in me came at a time when i acted the play called “Dilemma of a Ghost with the leading character Eulalie Rush who was the American girl who came to Africa. In fact, Eulalie, just like many African-Americans, cannot deny her true identity, even though she tries to avoid being linked to the African origin. At a point, she cannot but declare: “I’ve come to the very source.” This statement, no doubt, further negates her misconceived opinions about Africa until she comes to Africa. Of course we cannot overrule the significant role of love in this. It is the unconditional love Eulalie has for Ato that assists her in the search for her self. Furthermore, since Eulalie is not a white woman, it will be totally a misconception on the part of her fiancé’s family to brand her a stranger. Interestingly, she herself is ignorant of this truth. For this reason then, one cannot be said to be culturally lost when one does not know the essence of loss, or rather, its consequence. Had Eulalie been in Africa before her prejudiced discussion with Fiona, her friend, she would have been more conscious of herself being one of them. Perhaps this would serve her right; perhaps not. With regard to the foregoing, one may then be tempted to ask: what has marriage got to do with identity? The answer to this is simple. There is no marriage without love as there is no love without the self. To be sure, knowing yourself is a precedent of knowing your spouse. Ato’s reactions to his fiancée’s strange behaviour in the play elaborate this further.To Ato, Eulalie is everything he desires in a woman, her identity notwithstanding. He loves her and brings her home, to “the very source” even though he understands his household will object to such action. He even tries to convince his family to accept Eulalie as one of them. So he tells them: “Eulalie’s ancestors were of our ancestors.” Unfortunately for Ato, it still remains incomprehensible to his family that a woman whose skin is as dark as theirs could have the land of the white man as her home. For Eulalie the search for identity is internal; it is more concentrated in the mind than in the outward appearance. If this is mostly the case with most Blacks whom fate has given the land of the white man (in this case, America) as home, then the struggle for identity is more pressing within the “self” than within any other social circumstances such as marriage. Besides, how can man ever know where he is and probably where he is heading for, when he remains lost as regard the knowledge of his past? Thus, a lost person knows he is lost, but he keeps his search for himself secret, for he dreads to be labelled inferior. What more, Aidoo has proved her worth once more. The expression of the notion of the self in The Dilemmaof a Ghost is so powerful that it is difficult not to mention it, even if one has chosen to explore other issues. In all, Aidoo’s manipulation of the character of Eulalie in the play is apt as it helps to realise the psychological essence of self in the midst of the search for one’s root. At last, it seems Aidoo is proclaiming aloud the inner suffering undergone by those whose root is a nightmare; and where no connection exists.

Here is a photo of graduation day and price giving for my bravery act on this play. It was awesome!

13: The act of protecting yourself from emotional undermining

You realise that emotional intelligence also has a dark side–such as when individuals attempt to manipulate others’ emotions to promote a personal agenda or for some other selfish cause. Most of the time person manipulated others to gang up against you even though you have done them wrong. This is totally unacceptable, and you must stand tall and avoid such evil act. Remember i told you before on the area of Forgiveness, were i highlighted the issue of in-Laws ganging up on me? They had a hidden angenda in their minds all manipulated for their own selfish reasons.. At that time, all odds were against me and my sister stood up to them and said ‘that’s not my sister, she will never do such a thing’! I looked up in the sky and i spoke softly to my father in heaven saying ‘My lord, please fight for me’. On a second note i also thought of my biological dad Daniel because he would have stood up to them and gave his own words of wisdom; standing up for me, that his daughter doesn’t deserved to be treated in such way. Ohhh! how i wished he was alived at that time. You are simply not been snobbish but being prudent! And that’s why you continue to sharpen your own emotional intelligence–to protect yourself when they do.

14: The act of Priority

Have you ever wandered why misplaced priorities are the reason for displaced destinies? My dad onces stated to me that ‘life is in stages, and men are in phases’. Everything about life has a season for it. If you jump the gun, you may go down with a bullet! So, get your priorities about your life right. And don’t make friends with people who have no priorities. Some people are in too much of a hurry to make it in life, and so they take short cuts. They cut corners. They take expensive risks. Such people fall into trouble sooner or later, and if you’re not careful, they may drag you down. I am not perfect, i am far away from perfection but i try my best to prioritise my work load and activities of daily living.

Every human being has a need, a request, a petition that would mean so much to them if it eventually comes to pass. I do have some of mine and have had years that I prayed and prayed like I never even thought possible until I realized that things do not magically appear in my world no matter how hard I prayed!

It also dawned on me that there was indeed a huge difference between being a religious person and being a spiritual person and that unfortunately I must become the latter in order to come close to manifesting what it was that I wanted in my life! In 2017, i wrote my first book on sickle cell disease which is Sickle cell ailment my cry my story ” and that same year i wrote another book on public health which is my specialised area in profession called “Practical guidelines on public health intervention in Africa “.

During the journey, I discovered a much different kind of prayer! Prayer is such a divine embodiment of Love, truth and Good that praying from a place that houses tenants hostile to all of these goodness is a huge problem! There was all sorts of problem along the line, there was the issue of the clogged emotions in every cell of my body! There was also transmission issues that arose with the blocked and clogged pipes in my system! The problem was never the prayers but me! I needed to overhaul, disembark and rebuild my temple one brick at a time. I became committed to that journey around 2014 and as i began the unclogging, I realized that blessings already reside in and outside of us! Indeed it is floating all around you, yes YOU right now but your frequency (your aura) would determine whether it deems your temple(body) an appropriate and enabling abode to settle in peacefully

REFLECTION IN PRAYERS : Stop praying for peace if you are everything but peaceful! Become peaceful and peace would feel comfortable to settle in with you! Same thing goes for love and joy and happiness. The moment you become through your actions, thoughts and word, the blessings instantly begin to manifest in the physical! No one is perfect but God sure knows when someone is making a good faith attempt towards walking the straight and narrow and you will get rewarded in kind.

People have said to me, “OMG! Really??” and I replied, “Yes Really!” Try changing the mode of your prayers by simply aligning your actions, thoughts and words towards the frequency of His will (which you already know) and then speak those petitions in whatever manner you pray, and watch the speed of the manifestation of that which you seek.

You are exceedingly powerful in the process of creation! You are a co-creator who wield so much power! Use that power for good by simply praying by way of action, thoughts, words, etc and speak power, good, love, success, etc into EXISTENCE!

In a nutshell, Blessings are all around us and very very infectious! It only looks to us to affirm that we do in fact desire to house them in our own vault (lives). When we genuinely share in the joy, happiness, success, and accomplishment of others, we are automatically signaling to God/the Universe that we truly welcome similar blessings in our own lives.

Feeling envy, anger, resentment, jealousy and apathy in the face of anothers’ blessings equally signals to God that you do not appreciate nor wish those blessings anywhere around you…; be therefore cautious and conscious of how you react to peoples’ blessings.

Ben Carson wrote “Take what God has given you, the height, weight and personality. Dress well and wear it proudly, you’ll be blessed by it. Stay focused and live a healthy life. There is no competition in Destiny”.